


Drugs

by Space_gays_that_arent_in_space



Series: As My Heart Breaks, I Long For You Even More [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Porn, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Minor Ushijima Wakatoshi/Oikawa Tooru, Past Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Post Nut Regret, Recreational Drug Use, Referenced Bullying, Stream of Consciousness, Tendou Satori-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:40:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24525538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_gays_that_arent_in_space/pseuds/Space_gays_that_arent_in_space
Summary: He knew what he was doing could be considered desperate, but he also knew that this really was his only opportunity to have Ushijima how he wanted him.Always after games, always after a game when Ushijima’s guard was low.He couldn’t imagine doing this sober.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: As My Heart Breaks, I Long For You Even More [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799287
Comments: 15
Kudos: 89





	Drugs

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first HQ fic and its honestly just a warmup piece lmao. I do have other ideas for this if it doesn't flop though. Happy Pride!!!!  
> This one is for my entire twt gc

He knew what he was doing could be considered desperate, but he also knew that this really was his only opportunity to have Ushijima how he wanted him. 

Always after games, always after a game when Ushijima’s guard was low. 

God he sounded sleazy like that, but it was just his way of speaking to his knowledge of Ushijima and how their little rendezvous worked. 

It was always the same routine. 

He would get home, body aching from whatever team they had just absolutely decimated and adrenaline slowly seeping out of him. 

His mom was usually gone by then, out doing whatever she deemed fit for herself for the night, he had stopped reading the notes at this point, knowing full well that she’d be back in the morning or afternoon the next day. It made things easier for him like that anyway. 

He would wash the sweat and grime off of himself in the bath, then the thoughts would start. 

It always started out innocent, reviewing the game in his mind. 

Thinking back to the squeak of the gym floor, the way the ball hit the ground, everything about it was so intoxicating. 

Then, his thoughts were drawn to Ushijima, more specifically, his body. 

He was a powerhouse after all. 

He had been in love with Ushijima since the first time he met him, he epitomized the kind of volleyball he wanted to play and for that Tendou felt a sense of admiration, but that admiration quickly morphed into love. 

Ushijima was such a weird guy, he had all the makings to be a Casanova, then he opened his mouth and it was all lost, at least, on everyone else. In the ridiculous case of Satori Tendou, he found every aspect of Ushijima enthralling. 

His bluntness was appreciated and he knew that he would never lie to him. 

He would never call him a monster, or make fun of the way his arms and legs seemed to stretch out far too long on his body even with his height. 

He would never make fun of the things that Tendou could not change, instead he would take them on. 

Ushijima would always be honest with him, even if Tendou couldn’t do the same. 

He looked down at the water, legs somewhat distorted as it shifted but it really wasn’t enough to cover up what he knew his volleyball shorts always would. 

He sighed, sinking down in the water and thinking of the game once more as a sick sort of regret coiled up in his gut. 

Ushijima had been so powerful, so strong during the game, just like every single one that came before. 

He climbed out of the bath, heading straight to his room and pulling his bowl out of a hidden compartment of his beside drawer. 

Tendou would always smoke whatever weed he had, letting it give him the courage he needed to call Ushijima over, all to complete the cycle. 

He took a few hits, and suddenly the bowl was practically gone, so he packed another, and soon that one was gone too, he followed it up with one more and finally, he was prepared. 

He felt so at peace with himself, giggles spilling out of him as he pulled out his phone. 

He debated with himself for a long while, to call or to text? To call or to text? All part of his little jig he did to get his ace over. 

He texted him, it was simple and direct, perfect for Ushiwaka. 

_cum ovr?_

_Okay._

He laid on the couch, waiting, watching the door almost obsessively as he waited for Ushijima to knock, and god did he fall apart when he did. 

He stumbled to the door, legs too long for their own damn good as he yanked it open. 

Tendou knew that he and Ushijima were around the same height and yet, when Ushijima crowded his doorway with just his body, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had suddenly lost height, or maybe Ushijima was just an ever growing tree. 

_God damn Wakatoshi, you’re taller than ever_

For some reason, Tendou found his silence immensely funny, and soon he found himself doubled over laughing. 

Even still, Wakatoshi didn’t move, he just stood there and waited for Tendou to stop. 

When Tendou did inevitably stop, he noticed a look in Wakatoshi’s eyes, and that was a look he couldn’t ignore. 

Coy as he could play with everyone else, he was always transparent with Ushiwaka. 

_You haven’t said anything you know, it’s really creepy_

It was enough to make Ushiwaka finally take a step forward. 

Tendou started leading him to his room, closing his open windows and making sure most every light source in his room wouldn’t be able to illuminate them. 

As relaxed as he was when they did this high, which was how Tendou managed to keep his heart and wits about him thus far, he could never do it with the lights on, it was one of their rules. 

Tendou couldn’t fuck with the lights on. 

Ushijima wouldn’t kiss him. 

They had rules set in place, set boundaries so that the lines never got too blurred, and Tenou preferred it that way, even if not kissing Ushijima made his heart twist and made foreplay horribly awkward. 

Tendou, after confirming that the room was as dark as it could get, made his way over to Ushijima, he was sat on the bed already. 

Tendou got on his knees before him, and in the darkness said a quiet prayer that maybe one day Ushijima would love him the way he wanted. 

God, it was so pitiful it became funny, but Tendou somehow managed to keep himself together. 

He moved quickly, muscle memory stepping into place as he pulled Ushijima’s cock out of his shorts. 

He wished he could see it, but that would mean that Ushijima would have to see him, and he couldn’t stand the idea of that. 

Slowly, Tendou realized it, Ushijima was totally soft. 

he would have been offended if he didn’t know how easy it would be to get him hard. That was why he was down on his knees anyway. 

He took the head of Ushijima’s cock into his mouth, slowly sliding down until he reached the base. 

He tasted cleaner than usual, it was almost disappointing, the idea of taking Ushijima while he was still covered in the salt and sweat of the game was a thought that had eaten away at most of the other fantasies he had stockpiled had ruined him for anyone but the man himself. 

He could feel Ushijima hardening slowly, his mouth and throat being totally filled by him. 

He groaned, his own dick totally hard as he started bobbing his head up and down. 

It wasn’t long until Ushijima had grabbed his head, forcing him up and down at will. 

Tendou couldn’t hold back the almost overjoyed moans he let out. 

Fuck, he loved it when Ushijima used him like this. 

Tears sprang to his eyes, Ushijima’s pace only growing faster as precum practically poured down his throat. 

Then, Ushijima came down his throat, and he swallowed with a practiced ease. 

He wished he could see Ushijima’s face, see if he was as flushed as Tendou knew he himself was. 

Maybe one day he would find out. For now though, all that mattered was supporting Ushijima, his absolute paradise. 

He hunted for his lube while Ushijima took the time to catch his breath. 

He knew that it wouldn’t be long until he was raring and ready to go all over again. 

He got his hands on the bottle he kept in his bedside drawer and kicked off his pants and pulled off his shirt. 

Soon enough he was planting himself in Ushijima’s lap. 

He wished he could kiss him, but he knew that it wasn’t Tendou himself Ushijima was having sex with, Tendou was just a vessel for his fantasies. 

He remembered well who he was supposed to be, that stupidly pretty setter who Ushijima had been obsessed with almost as long as Tendou had been obsessed with him. 

He pressed his forehead to Ushijima’s shoulder, as long as he could have Ushijima like this it was enough. 

He wished that that pretty brown haired setter realized what he was giving up on, and yet he was glad that he didn’t. 

Even if Ushijima’s heart wasn’t his, then Tendou was glad he could at least have his body. 

He pressed the lube into that big hand of his and listened as Ushijima squirted it on to his fingers. 

The first finger that slid in was calloused, just like all the three others that would follow it. 

He remembered when he still had hope, when he would cry out Ushijima’s name and babble to him. 

He remembered how painful Ushijima’s icy glare was when they finished. 

The thought, in tandem with how utterly thick Ushijima’s finger was inside of him, made him shudder. 

He squeezed his eyes closed, imagining that he and Ushijima were in a relationship rather than whatever the hell they actually were. 

That thought was enough to get him through prep, though he had hit something of a lull in his high. 

He felt around for a moment before he found his bowl and his lighter. 

_I’ll be right back, Wakatoshi_

His voice sounded hoarse. 

He rushed out of the bedroom, instead hiding in the bathroom and smoking the weed leftover in the bowl, which really wasn’t much. 

He felt himself relax again and left the bowl outside of his bedroom, he would just tell Ushiwaka he had to pee. 

He made sure every light that would reveal his naked body to Ushijima was off, even if he would always accept him he didn’t need any sort of fear that he wouldn't infect this moment. 

He returned to his spot in Ushijima’s lap, he could feel how hard he was. 

He grinned, though it was only to himself. 

He poured a very generous amount of lube onto his dick before finally sliding down. 

He could barely make it half way before he was moaning and his thighs were shaking. 

Ushijima’s hands drifted to his waist as a sort of support, and it made something in Tendou’s heart flip. 

He swallowed his feelings down, knowing they’d do nothing but cause trouble. 

Now that Ushijima was on his back, Tendou had the freedom to ride how he wanted. 

As quiet as he tried to be while Ushijima and him fucked, he couldn’t help the groans and huffs he let out. 

He loved the way Ushijima felt inside of him, he loved the way he held him, he loved every single thing about Ushijima. 

Every single thrust hit his prostate, and Tendou really wasn’t meant to last long like this. 

He never was. 

Ushijima always fucked him like he was going to run off somewhere, hands gripping so tight they’d bruise him sometimes, thrusts so deep and rough Tendou was sure that he was going to have the imprint of his dick inside of him. 

In those moments it really did feel like Ushijima loved him, even if he knew for a fact he didn’t. 

The moments where Tendou could pretend were always ruined when Ushijima came. 

He always came inside, one of the few solaces Tendou had, as disgusting and hard to clean out as it was. 

As he came, Ushijima would groan out the same thing every single time, breaking Tendou’s heart a little bit more each time he did. 

_Tooru_

Tendou came despite himself, and the ecstasy of his orgasm was enough to make him forget for a moment what Ushijima had done. 

His bones became jelly as he rolled off of Ushijima and on to his bed. 

He didn’t have long till Ushijima caught his breath and left. 

Quickly, he laid as close to Ushijima as he could. Of course, he’d never be held by those big arms that had held and contorted his body into ridiculous positions so many times in the past, but he didn’t need him to. 

Getting to lay here like this was enough. 

When he felt the bed shift, Tendou scrambled to the ground, pulling his clothes back on as he felt Ushijima’s cum leak down his thighs. 

His hips ached, but he wasn’t unused to it, not after all the times they had done this. 

He had tried to offer Ushijima food once, water too, but he’d been declined, and tonight he didn’t have the courage to do it again. 

Tendou left his room, all of the euphoria he had had just moments ago completely gone and a sick disgust replacing it. 

He couldn’t walk Ushijima to the door tonight, look him in the eyes and know that he wouldn’t be able to say no if Ushijima glanced at him with muted desire over their lunches. 

Playing with Ushijima, being with him, were all things that Tendou wouldn’t be able to give up until he was forced to, even if he was just a warm replacement for someone else. 

He shut the bathroom door, listening to Ushijima’s footsteps as he left. 

Tendou dropped to the bathroom floor, cum of the man he loved dripping down his thighs and nausea hitting him so hard that he was absolutely sure he would throw up. 

He couldn’t imagine doing this sober.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi kudos, comments, etc are greatly appreciated and there is a 99% chance that if you comment I'll reply.
> 
> @tamyura_on twt  
> @porcelain_babies on insta


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